Phoenix Rising With Dr Z: Conversations About Grief and Loss

0066: Linking Objects in Grief: Finding Comfort and Continued Bonds with Mimi Rayl (Part 2)

Linking Objects in Grief: What to Keep, What to Let Go & How Memories Live On | Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z
 
Dr. Christina Zampitella hosts a conversation on “linking objects” and how personal items can comfort or overwhelm after loss. The guest shares that individual objects usually evoke positive memories, but the sheer volume of an estate can create resentment, burden, and anger—especially when handling a parent’s possessions alone and under time pressure. Dr. Z describes clearing her parents’ home after two deaths close together, the pain of choosing what to keep, and the distress of an insensitive estate-sale experience. They discuss how attachment to items can change over time, how to differentiate what mattered to the deceased versus what matters to the survivor, and how donating can be meaningful when intentional. They note linking objects should feel grounding and comforting, and that people, shared stories, and personal “imprints” can also serve as powerful links.
 
00:00 Welcome to Phoenix Rising
00:30 Do Objects Trigger Pain
01:36 Overwhelmed by the Estate
03:30 Dr Z Estate Sale Story
09:13 Keeping Rooms Intact
12:32 Which Items Truly Link
13:40 Mom’s Books and Connection
14:51 Jack’s Shoes and Timing
17:33 Dad’s Furniture Expectations
20:49 Defining Linking Objects
24:33 Beyond Things People Imprints
25:43 Closing Thanks and Callouts

0066: Linking Objects in Grief: Finding Comfort and Continued Bonds with Mimi Rayl (Part 1)

Linking Objects in Grief: Finding Comfort and Continued Bonds with Mimi Rayl | Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z
 
Dr. Christina Zampitella hosts Mimi Rayl on Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z to explain “linking objects,” physical items that help maintain a healthy continued bond with someone who has died while allowing a person to move forward rather than “move on.” Mimi shares losses including her partner Jack (died in 2020 during COVID), her father (complications of dementia), her mother (2002), and other close losses, and describes how specific items anchor and comfort her: a painted portrait of Jack near a shared chair, a stuffed bear gifted by Jack that provides tactile comfort, and jewelry tied to shared experiences. She also shows Inuit bear sculptures connected to her father and a crystal cat linked to her mother, noting these artifacts reconnect her to positive memories and reduce loneliness and feeling unmoored.
 
00:00 Welcome to Phoenix Rising
01:17 Meet Mimi Rayl
02:47 What Are Linking Objects
05:17 Jack and the Home
06:13 Portrait That Keeps Him Close
08:29 Bear the Comfort Anchor
12:06 Jewelry as Connection
15:57 How Linking Objects Help Grief
18:12 Moving Forward Not Moving On
25:53 Dad Bear and Inuit Carvings
28:41 Mom Sadie and Reconnection
30:31 Artifacts and Mixed Emotions

0065: Supporting Student Athletes After Suicide Loss with Chris Warren (Part 2)

Supporting Student Athletes After Suicide Loss with Chris Warren (Part 2)
 
In this episode of Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z, Dr. Christina Zampitella continues her conversation with Chris Warren, exploring the ongoing impact of losing student athletes to suicide.
This part of the conversation focuses on what happens after the initial loss and how grief is processed in groups, the role of community in healing, and the lasting effects of navigating tragedy both within and outside of that support system.
Chris shares his experience of losing a second student athlete while being physically removed from his team, highlighting the isolation, guilt, and coping challenges that followed. Together, they discuss the importance of connection, the impact of stigma, and why avoiding conversations about suicide can make healing more difficult.
This episode also explores:
The role of group support in traumatic grief
The impact of stigma and silence around suicide
The difference between grieving with support vs. alone
And the importance of self-care for those in helping roles
 
 
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If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, you are not alone. Support is available. You can call or text 988 in the United States to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or visit 988lifeline.org for chat support. If you are outside the U.S., please reach out to local emergency services or a trusted support resource in your area.
 
Timestamps
00:00 – Introduction 00:45 – Group Grief and Shared Experience 02:00 – The Power of “Me Too” in Healing 03:15 – Team Dynamics and Collective Grief 04:30 – How Students Supported Each Other 05:30 – School Response and Gaps in Support 06:45 – Memorialization and Controversy 08:00 – Stigma and Fear Around Suicide 09:15 – Changes After a Second Loss 10:30 – Losing a Second Student Athlete 11:45 – Grieving Without a Support System 13:00 – Isolation and Distance from the Team 13:45 – Coping Alone and Turning to Numbing 15:00 – The Importance of Community in Grief 16:15 – Guilt and Feeling Like You Left 17:30 – Helping Others While Running on Empty 18:30 – The Challenge of Self-Care in Caretaking Roles 19:45 – When Self-Care Feels Selfish 20:45 – Reconnecting with Personal Identity 22:00 – Finding Regulation and Stability 23:15 – Why Group Support Matters 24:30 – The Impact of Stigma on Healing 25:30 – Why We Avoid Talking About Suicide 26:30 – The Importance of Open Conversations 27:30 – Suicide Prevention and Awareness 28:30 – Final Reflections on Grief and Healing
 
 

0065: Supporting Student Athletes After Suicide Loss with Chris Warren (Part 1)

Supporting Student Athletes After Suicide Loss with Chris Warren (Part 1)
 
In this episode of Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z, Dr. Christina Zampitella sits down with Chris Warren, LPCMH (Licensed Professional Counselor at the Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy) to talk about the loss of student athletes to suicide and the impact of that loss from the perspective of a coach and mentor.
Chris shares his experience working closely with two high school athletes who died by suicide, and what it was like to receive that news, support other students through the loss, and navigate his own grief at the same time.
This conversation explores the complexity of grief in leadership roles, including:
• Supporting adolescents after a peer’s death
• The pressure to “hold it together” while grieving
• The loss of control that comes with suicide
• And the weight of “what if” and “if only” thoughts that can follow This episode offers an honest look at grief, responsibility, and the lasting impact of loss — both personally and professionally.
 
This is part 1 of a two-part series. Tune in next week for part 2. **********
 
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, you are not alone. Support is available. You can call or text 988 in the United States to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or visit 988lifeline.org for chat support. If you are outside the U.S., please reach out to local emergency services or a trusted support resource in your area.
Chapters / Timestamps
00:00 – Introduction
00:40 – Meet Chris Warren
01:30 – Coaching and Mentorship Background
02:30 – First Loss: Gabby’s Story 03:30 – Learning About the Loss
05:30 – Receiving the News
07:00 – Shock, Disbelief, and Emotional Response
08:30 – Immediate Reactions and Coping
10:00 – Problem-Solving Mode vs. Grief
11:30 – Navigating Uncertainty and Lack of Protocol
12:45 – Supporting Student Athletes
13:45 – Creating Space for Grief in a Team Setting
15:00 – The Role of Choice and Autonomy
16:30 – Coaching Skills in Crisis
18:00 – Individual vs. Group Grief
19:30 – Identity and Loss in Adolescence
21:00 – Impact on Teammates
22:30 – Difficulty Talking About Suicide
23:30 – Loss of Control
24:30 – Prior Conversations About Mental Health
25:30 – “I Missed Something”
26:30 – Guilt and Responsibility
27:30 – Navigating “If Only” Thoughts
28:30 – Self-Forgiveness and Reflection
29:30 – Understanding Grief Over Time

0064: Becoming a Widow: Kelsey Jagger on Trauma, Faith, and Looking for the Light (Part 2)

In this episode, Dr. Christina Zampitella continues her conversation with grief coach, author, and widow Kelci Jager.While Part 1 focused on the story of loss, this episode explores what comes after — the reality of living as a widow and navigating life after everything changes.Kelci shares what it has been like to continue forward after her husband’s death, including parenting, rebuilding daily life, and learning how to live with grief rather than trying to move past it. This conversation also dives into how grief evolves over time, why it isn’t linear, and what it actually means to “carry” loss.They also discuss common misconceptions about grief, the difference between grief and depression, and practical ways to process emotions without avoiding them. From learning how to sit with pain to finding moments of connection and meaning, this episode offers a deeper understanding of what healing can look like after profound loss.Learn more about Kelci and Rise With Grief: https://risewithgrief.com/Purchase a copy of her book: https://www.amazon.com/Million-Miracles-That-Never-Came/dp/1068683848
 
 

0064: Becoming a Widow: Kelsey Jagger on Trauma, Faith, and Looking for the Light (Part 1)

Becoming a Widow: Kelsey Jagger on Trauma, Faith, and Looking for the Light
 
Dr. Christina Zampitella introduces Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z and interviews grief coach and author Kelci Jager, founder of Rise With Grief, about becoming a widow after her husband Colin died of acute lymphoblastic leukemia in July 2022. Kelci shares a series of traumatic events after moving to Florida, including a 2020 car accident involving her two oldest sons that led to the discovery and successful removal of a benign brain tumor, followed by her husband’s sudden hospitalization and leukemia diagnosis in early 2021 during COVID. She describes severe shock, despair, and a crisis of faith, then shifting to self-compassion and a practice of “looking for the light” while caregiving through 559 days of illness. Kelsey recounts recognizing the end was near, bringing Colin home from the ICU, his peaceful death in her arms, and experiencing both devastation and peace afterward.
 
00:00 Show Intro
00:33 Meet Kelci Jager
02:04 Life Before Loss
02:52 Boys Crash Discovery
04:49 Tumor Surgery Recovery
06:18 New Year New Crisis
06:38 Leukemia Diagnosis Shock
08:39 Faith Despair Trauma
12:38 Finding Hope Compassion
17:45 Parenting Through Illness
20:30 Kids See The Struggle
22:23 Control What You Can
23:15 Looking for the Light
25:13 Duality Not Positivity
26:02 Colin’s Optimism Practice
28:37 Caregiver Grief in Private
31:53 The Chemo Rollercoaster
33:50 Day 557 Realization
35:00 Beach Break and Knowing
37:46 ICU Validation and Goodbye
38:56 Home for Final Hours
40:10 Relief and Devastation
42:24 Signs of Life After
 
 

0063: The Impact of Loss on Couples and Families

The Impact of Loss on Couples and Families | Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z ft. Perlyn Severe
 
Dr. Christina Zampitella hosts Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z and welcomes Perlyn Severe, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy with advanced substance abuse certification, to discuss how grief and trauma impact couples and family systems. Sever shares her background and explains how loss can intensify existing relationship patterns, from closeness that becomes insular and ruminative to distance, imbalance, resentment, and conflict, including how codependency and enabling can emerge when substances are involved. They describe signs that outside support may be needed when problems surface through work, children’s behavior, or worsening functioning. The conversation also highlights healthy grieving in families—open communication, flexibility, and tolerance for each other’s pain—and notes differences in grieving styles, including intuitive versus instrumental grieving, and how expanding emotional vocabulary and coping skills can help couples adapt.
 
00:00 Welcome to Phoenix Rising
00:41 Meet the Guest Therapist
01:33 Why Grief Hits Couples
03:36 Training in Family Therapy
04:35 Family Trauma and Attachment
06:05 Career Shift to Addiction Work
07:41 Personal Path to Grief Work
09:56 How Loss Exposes Patterns
12:11 Cocooning and Rumination
15:01 Secure Team vs Us Against World
15:54 Codependency After Trauma
16:56 Couple Culture and Systems
17:48 What Enabling Provides
18:37 Gendered Protection Patterns
20:26 Grief Creates Imbalance
22:12 Resentment and Distancing
23:30 Healthy Family Grieving
23:57 Flexibility and Tolerance
25:28 Building Resilience in Therapy
27:53 Different Grieving Styles
29:16 Expanding Coping Repertoire

0062: Chronic Illness in Limbo: Autoimmune Disease, Lymphoma, and Finding Control (Part 2)

Healing Through Grief, Trauma & Chronic Illness: Support Systems, Agency, and Finding Meaning | Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z Dr. Christina Zampitella hosts a Phoenix Rising conversation focused on healing from grief, trauma, and chronic or life-threatening illness. The discussion emphasizes the necessity of healthy social support and the harm of “problematic” support that minimizes illness, and suggests alternatives such as therapy, peer support groups (including diagnosis- or loss-specific groups), social workers, and online resources that are often free and more accessible. They describe how peer communities can provide practical patient-to-patient guidance and reduce isolation, and stress advocating for oneself in the medical system by seeking specialists and teaching hospitals, getting second opinions, and finding providers who are trustworthy and able to pivot care. The speakers acknowledge systemic barriers and inequities, including the impact of race, privilege, socioeconomic factors, language, distrust of medical systems, and misogyny in healthcare and research. Personal experiences are shared involving leukemia treatment and maintenance therapy, epilepsy, and multiple sudden losses (a son, father, mother, and a dog), including the trauma and logistical strain of traveling for infusions and caregiving, and the concept of anticipatory grief for caregivers. The conversation explores coping traits like optimism, catastrophizing, and resiliency; the role of information and agency; accommodations and boundaries; identity shifts and secondary losses; and the importance of basics such as sleep, mental health, nutrition, and manageable movement. They also critically examine the concept of post-traumatic growth, cautioning against placing a burden on survivors to find a silver lining or transformation. The episode closes with an invitation for viewer comments and a reminder that challenge can awaken the power to heal.
00:00 Phoenix Rising Intro: Healing Through Grief & Trauma
00:28 Must-Dos vs Wanna-Dos: Making Accommodations for Illness
00:46 The Power (and Pitfalls) of Social Support During Treatment
02:21 When Support Is Missing: Therapy as a Lifeline
03:19 Peer Support That Fits: Finding the Right Grief/Illness Community
06:21 Resources, Online Groups & the Financial Reality of Chronic Illness
07:04 Specialists, Trust & Hard Medical Decisions (Leukemia Care)
07:40 Double Loss While in Treatment: Dad’s Death, Then Mom’s
17:25 Caretakers’ Burden: Partners, Parents & Anticipatory Grief
19:31 Resilience Toolkit: Optimism, Information, Agency & Self-Advocacy
25:40 Hunting for Help: Providers, Social Workers, and Not Taking No
28:45 When to Pivot: Trust Your Gut & Find the Right Doctor 30:04 Privilege, Race, and Access: Who Gets Heard in Healthcare
30:55 Women’s Pain, Misogyny, and the Gender Data Gap in Medicine
33:26 Go to the Specialists: Why Teaching Hospitals Can Change Everything
35:55 The Weird Spotlight of Illness: Attention, Validation, and Need
37:44 Making Meaning & Identity Shifts After Diagnosis and Loss
39:52 Coping Tools: Self-Compassion, Joy, and the “And” Mindset
43:13 The Four Pillars: Sleep, Movement, Food, and Mental Health
45:07 Secondary Losses & Grief Beyond Death (and the Possibility of Growth)
47:12 Challenging “Post-Traumatic Growth”: Pressure, Disenfranchisement, and Change
54:05 Closing Thoughts, Thanks, and How to Join the Conversation

0062: Chronic Illness in Limbo: Autoimmune Disease, Lymphoma, and Finding Control (Part 1)

Chronic Illness in Limbo: Autoimmune Disease, Lymphoma, and Finding Control
 
Dr. Christina Zampitella hosts Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z, a podcast focused on healing through grief and trauma, and introduces an episode on chronic and life-threatening illness featuring guest Annika. Annika shares a broad overview of her medical history, starting with Graves disease diagnosed at 17 after her dentist urged a thyroid check, followed by surgery that helped for 15 years and later radioiodine treatment in graduate school, leaving her without a thyroid and managed on Synthroid. About 20 years later, she developed multiple autoimmune diagnoses, which she lists as Graves disease, Raynaud’s, MGUS (a precursor condition that can precede multiple myeloma), and Sjögren’s disease (described as an attack on moisture-producing organs causing severe dry eyes, no saliva, chronic dehydration, loss of taste and smell, and significant dental problems). She also describes an incidental lung nodule discovered during a COVID-era ER visit for severe gastrointestinal illness and fainting; after seeking second opinions and care at Sloan Kettering, a needle biopsy confirmed low-grade B-cell lymphoma currently managed with watch-and-wait, though a later growth of the nodule shifted concern. Annika discusses the practical and emotional burdens of chronic illness—fatigue, exercise intolerance, unpredictable symptoms, and repeated insurance barriers (including $12,000 scleral lenses for dry eyes). She emphasizes the necessity of self-advocacy, tracking medical information, building a responsive care team, and traveling to specialty centers like Johns Hopkins and Sloan Kettering, while acknowledging the privilege required to do so. Annika describes participating in longitudinal research studies (including NIH and a CP3 cancer study) as empowering and meaningful, tying this to benefit-finding and meaning-making. Dr. Z and Annika explore how chronic illness and traumatic grief both involve loss of control, and how control and advocacy can support later meaning-making. Annika connects her illness experience to prior traumatic loss—the overdose death of her son—and describes waking daily to an unchanging reality of loss, while illness adds uncertainty and limbo. They discuss anger, “why me,” feelings of betrayal by the body, invisible illness, and relationship strain, alongside resilience and coping through pragmatic adaptation, boundaries, and oscillating between emotion and daily responsibilities. The conversation closes on adapting to limitations to preserve quality of life, with examples like modifying exercise and food choices to prevent symptom flares and choking.
 
00:00 Welcome to Phoenix Rising: Healing Through Grief & Trauma
00:30 Today’s Topic: Chronic & Life-Threatening Illness + Meet Annika
02:02 Annika’s First Diagnosis: Graves Disease at 17 (and the Early Warning Signs)
03:23 Autoimmune Conditions ‘Travel in Clumps’: Listing the Diagnoses
05:40 Daily Impact: Fatigue, Exercise Intolerance, Dry Eyes/Teeth & the Cost of Care
06:24 Becoming Your Own Advocate: Specialists, Travel, and Building a Care Team
07:40 Giving Back Through Research: Clinical Trials, Longitudinal Studies & Meaning-Making
09:52 Control vs. Chaos: Coping with Chronic Illness and the Loss of Control
10:54 Timeline Deep-Dive: Thyroid Surgery, Grad School Stress, and the Long Gap to the Next Diagnosis
14:58 Menopause, Overlapping Symptoms & When ‘Manageable’ Becomes Life-Altering
19:54 COVID-Era ER Visit to Lung Nodules: Second Opinions and a Lymphoma Diagnosis
23:05 Watch-and-Wait to Treatment: Rituximab and the Immune System Trade-Off
24:37 Rituximab’s Uncertainty: Help, Harm, and Infection Risk
25:02 “Why Me?” Anger, Trauma, and Finding Resilience Anyway
27:52 Invisible Illness & Being Misread: Looking “Fine” While Struggling
30:37 Body Betrayal & Life Restrictions: Travel Triggers, Chemo Days, and Self-Compassion
35:20 The Hidden Losses: Losing Taste & Smell—and the Joy of Brief Breakthroughs
39:43 Adapting to Limits: Boundaries, Pragmatism, and Building Quality of Life
43:40 When People Don’t Adapt: Fear Spirals, Closed Worlds, and Choosing Quality of Life

0061: Rising from Chronic Illness (Part 2)

Rising from Chronic Illness
In this episode of Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z, Dr. Christina Zampitella hosts an in-depth conversation with Samantha about overcoming the challenges of living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and other chronic illnesses. The discussion covers their personal experiences, the emotional and physical impacts, as well as navigating the healthcare system and finding the right treatment. Samantha also shares her journey through different phases of her illness, the emotional struggles, and how it has reshaped her life and outlook. This episode provides valuable insights and resources for anyone dealing with chronic illness and highlights the importance of empathy and support.
 
00:00 Introduction to Phoenix Rising
00:28 Personal Experiences with Medical Diagnosis
02:02 Navigating Treatment Options
02:57 Challenges with Insurance and Healthcare
04:41 Understanding MS and Its Impact
09:30 Coping Mechanisms and Support Systems
15:28 Medication and Lifestyle Adjustments
18:20 Experiencing Intrusive Thoughts and Panic
19:55 Misdiagnosis and Discovery of Migraines
23:37 The Emotional Impact of Chronic Illness
31:00 Grieving and Acceptance
33:48 Living with Intention and Seeking Help
35:07 Conclusion and Final Thoughts